The first memory of discrimination I have I was six years old. The lady at the bakery asked my mom, who is white, how long my sister and I had been in the country for. She assumed the two of us were adopted. After my mom explained that we were hers, the lady laughed awkwardly and then we left. At the time I wondered why anyone wouldn't think my mom was my mom.
The next memory I have I was eight years old. It was after recess and we were sitting in a circle. A boy across from me was lifting and flattening his nose while pulling his eyes back so they would be slanted. He was taunting me and singing a little melody about being from China town. The other kids were laughing. Fortunately, this was something I was not used to yet but I was being bullied. My heart hurt but I didn’t cry and I didn’t get angry. I just sat there not knowing what to do or say so I just tried to pretend it didn’t bother me. I was super confused at why I was any different from any other one of my classmates. I cried that night and have not forgotten that time after recess.
Another memory I have is more of a collection of instances when people just assume that I must be so good at math…cause you know, how someone looks directly impacts how one understands numbers right? Nawwttt. I have always done pretty well in school and academics but that is because I WORK HARD. I put in the time. I study. I prioritize learning. And for the record…I dropped out of Grade 12 functions and don’t think I have ever taken a calculus class in my life.
"...She assumed the two of us were adopted."
On the road trip when I was moving to the west coast we stopped in a small farm town in the Prairies. We walked into a hotel that was clearly not very busy to see if they had any availability. The man looked us up and down judging us so hard and without even looking at his computer told us they were completely full for the next four days.
When I was living in a small town a few years ago I was working out in the tiny basement of the small gym. It was just this middle aged white guy and myself in the downstairs weight area. I had my headphones in and my music going. I was in the zone. All of a sudden I look in the mirror and the guy is right behind me trying to talk to me. I take out my head phones to hear what he is saying. He is speaking another language and I tell him sorry I don’t understand. He looks extremely surprised, slightly offended, and awkwardly explains he just assumed because of my looks and eyes I must be from Thailand and he knows a few sentences in Thai. He leaves two minutes later not saying another word to me.
"Over the course of this past year with COVID-19 I have been side-eyed and flat out told "It must be so hard looking like you do with everything going on this year.""
A few weeks ago I had surgery and was in the hospital for a few days. The first night after the procedure I was totally knocked out from the anesthetic. I was awoken abruptly when the bright light beside my bed was switched on by a lady that was clearly over worked and extremely exhausted. She was there to wash around the incision and ensure no cleaning agents were still left on my body. She was friendly enough but the only thing she really said to me was, “oh it’s going to be much harder on me to tell if there is any dye on your skin colour”, meaning my skin is yellow and is the same as the dye so it is going to be harder on her. I don’t think she meant any harm but this little undertone of annoyance almost made me feel like I should be apologizing for my skin?
My family
And my favourite and the most frequently asked question I get: “Where are you from?” Literally from anyone and everyone. From strangers, from people I just met, from people while I am travelling, and anyone in between. The conversation then usually goes like this:
“Oh I’m from Canada.”
They say, “Oh no but like where are you realllyyyy from?”
I respond, “Well I was born in Ontario.”
They usually follow with, “But like where are your parents from?”
And I tell them, “They were also both born in Ontario.”
Slightly confused and a little bit frustrated they ask, “But like where do you come from? What is your background?”
And because I find it interesting and try to have some fun with it I always make them guess. I am truly fascinated by all the amazing ethnicities and cultures of the world and in my heart want to hope most other people are as well. I usually don’t take offense and hope they mean no harm, however, when I really think about it, the reason why they ask this is because I look different. Without saying it, they are pointing out that I don’t belong here and they want to know why. Although most of these people try and ask respectfully I still get the obnoxious person that really is quite rude. I think that even though most people may have the right intentions in mind there is still an underlying sense of discrimination and blatant racism that exists. Yes even in Canada it is still here. Yes even in 2021 it is still here. There are many many other people that have experienced much worse than I have and I have been fortunate enough to not experience any physical harm or assault. But even the fact that in this day and age I even have to say that, and feel lucky that this has not happened to me, means we have a big problem.
"...but like where are you realllyyyy from"
These handfuls of instances where I have been singled out because of my ethnicity are just a few. There are many more I can remember, many more that I can’t, and even more that I have sadly and disappointingly let “slide”. When I was younger these interactions confused me and made me feel shame but I am grateful for the strong support system I have had that has allowed me to learn and grow into the woman I am today. The thing is, I am not ashamed of who I am or where I come from. I am who I am and I am proud of it. I am not just Asian or half Asian. I am not just that Chinese girl. I am not all those labels, racial slurs, and identities society has put on me. I am me, Katie Lee. I am my own unique person and this is my individual story. And this is happening to millions of other people around the world. Everyone has their own story and I am not here for a pity party. I am here to share my perspective, to speak up, and to say we need to work together and be better together. I think that in most cases we, as a community, do pretty well at being accepting of other people, but we need to do better. We have to do better. We need to unlearn. Then we need to learn. We need to celebrate who we are. We need to celebrate who other people are. We need to call out those that do not. We need to stop any and all racist behaviour. We need to stop the hate. We cannot let this hate propagate. We need to speak up. This is me speaking up. This is me telling part of my story. This is me.
And also: Asia is not a country. It is made up of many countries and territories all with their own cultures and people.